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Lordy Lordy Look Who's 40


That’s right, you’ns.  Dr. Ding is turning 40 tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier.  Why?  Read on, my gentle and very sexy readers.

1.  Finally, I will have a smokescreen for my pottymouthed, irreverent and curmudgeonly behavior.  People will just go “Oh, it’s probably just the perimenopause talking” and leave it at that, which then allows me to continue my bid for global domination unfettered by things like decorum.  Or, quite possibly, a job.

2.  I will be squarely in the zone of negative a-fuck-giving. I’ve been teetering between Not Caring One Whit about what others think and Not Giving A Tinker’s Damn, but rollin’ with the 4-0 heaves me into some hippy-zen kind of mental state where I’m all cool with letting the stream of life, like flow on by me, man.  Wow.  It’s just so….there, you know?

3.  According to the ancient ways of my people* turning 40 entitles me legally to go swanning around whenver I feel like it while demanding that people pay homage by throwing glitter and the occasional set of rhinestone eyelashes.

4.  Most people don’t know this, but being out of one’s 30s automatically imbues one with deep mystical wisdom, effortless grace, and the sudden ability to perform the Electric Booglaoo.  Truth.  Behold:


*Women who unabashedly adore drag queens, 1980s nighttime soap opera wardrobes, and pretty much anything with a reflective surface.

7 Things About The Ding


Y’all.  My esteemed colleague, Dr. Miggy, has tagged me.  Where I’m from we would call that a “pimp slap” but whatever.

She has requested my particular brand of “fart humor elegantly dressed in GRE vocabulary” and I do not want to disappoint La Miggy.  She’s got a new art blog, ArtLicker, which makes her way cooler than me because I don’t know stuff about art.  If you put an “f” in front of it though, I am definitely your gal.

So here are 7 things you didn’t know about the Dingster.

1.  I was an aquanaut as a teenager.  I lived underwater in a habitat in Islamorada, Florida for 24 hours and saw bioluminescent creatures and swam around a lot while breathing from a gigantic hookah from topside.  I brought down eyeliner and 3 swimsuits in a pressurized pot.  Glamma!

2.  In college I was a rugby prop forward for 3 seasons.  I didn’t make it to a 4th thanks to being obsessed with getting into grad school and filling out 13 very lengthy applications using a typewriter.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A. Typewriter.   Afterwards, I punched my feet through the floorboards of my granite automobile and left the town of Bedrock for a long vacation.

3.  In the summer of 1987 I worked at Baskin & Robbins.  I couldn’t eat ice cream for 2 years following.

4.  I don’t think I kept a single New Year’s Resolution I made for 2008, except using my rewards points and keeping my car running.  Meh.

5.  Secretly I think about quitting my job and working retail so I can have a fabulous wardrobe at a fraction of the cost.  Or going to beauty school.  Or becoming a wig stylist for a drag show.

6.  Lately I’ve been reading a bunch of books by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Childs.  They’re the duo that wrote Relic and Reliquary.  I read those a long time ago and now I’m getting caught up on all the new ones featuring Agent Pendergast.  They’re addictive, mind-candy thrillers.

7.  The Beyonce is going to taunt me for admitting this publicly, but I adore crossword puzzles.  I  plan on subscribing to the New York Times ones.  Shit’s about to get real, people.

So, those among my loyal readers who blog: consider yourself tagged.

Does This WiiFit Make My Ass Look Big?

I wish!  Dr. Ding would love to have a J. Lo-style padonkadonk.

I been busy, bitchez.  I been doing this and chopping vegetables for my crazy-assed diet, and seeing like a gazillion patients a week.

And honestly?  I totally forgot I had a blog for a couple-five weeks.

I blame the abhorrent lack of bacon in my diet.



Phone: (720) 235-8135
Website: justineuselding.com
Email: askdrding@askdrding.com


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