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Self Improvement DIY: How To Make Your Very Own Intrapsychic Sith Lord For Fun And Profit

This One Goes Out To All The Little People

So if you’ve read this, you’ve undoubtedly begun to question Dr. Ding’s sanity intentions. No matter. I want to be perfectly clear…I write this blog entirely for the amusement of the wee fae folk who live in my closet and multiply my shoe collection while writing indignant letters to the editor about stuff like shoddy toadstools and weed-killer.

Okay, in all fairness, I guess this blog is really for myself plus the expansion of my ongoing bid for Global Domination, Non-Nefarious Type, Recurrent, Severe.

Back to how to assemble your very own Intrapsychic Sith Lord. I’ve probably lost you already, so feel free to slap yourself around a little, a la one of those fast-talking film noir private eyes who wear their trousers hiked up to their armpits. Better?

Saintly Advisor v. Peculiar Advisor: Saying The Same Thing?

A very peculiar advisor of mine (not Saintly Advisor) in Gradual School once told me, “Young Dingenstein, you must know this if you are to know anything of importance in psychotherapy: defend the Self, not the Ego.” I of coure was totally puzzled by this remark, as Saintly Advisor had just given me the whole importance-of-intimidation knowledge the semester before. I pegged it immediately as Crazy Talk, and filed it away under Things I Will Act Like I Understand When I’m In The Presence Of Faculty, because I was really into my Jennifer Aniston haircut and brown lipstick back then, and had a hard time focusing without the benefit of two pots of coffee, three diet Pepsis, and a pack of menthol Marlboros.

The following semester, during the course of clinical supervision, Peculiar Advisor made the same defend-the-Self speech again, only this time it started to sink in a little bit further. By the time I finished Gradual School, ninety freaking years later, I had a somewhat more encompassing idea of what he meant, but still the deeper applications of this statement confounded me utterly.

The Delicate Art Of Self-Protection

So here’s the thing. If you’re someone who might be construed as a Lightworker (read: decent, helpful person who feels guided to make the world a better place), you may at times feel uncomfortable or awkward defending yourself against the blandishments of the myriad asshats and douchebags of planet earth. This is where Darth Maul and his ilk come in.

It’s perfectly okay to defend yourself with a lightsaber parry/thrust/spin, e.g. “Your (particular action) is not alright with me” or perhaps “I said ‘no’ and I meant it so stop pissing down my leg and telling me it’s raining” and even “Hi-yah! Back, you varlet, back you knave. Back I say!” Or words to that effect. Most of us are raised to think this is effrontery. It’s not.

In fact, it is non-negotiably neccessary to have the ability to stand up for your deep convictions, to insist on your integrity, to speak out against injustice and abuses and to pierce right to the heart of things when who you are is being impugned.

It is NOT such a good idea to defend your ego in the same manner. The ego is all about maintaining the illusion of power, control, and security, and it’s pretty short-sighted. The classy move here is generally to let the force pass rather than join in the affray and make yourself look just as insecure, fear-based, and, well…douchey as the person or persons who are attacking you.

Hi, I’m Nice. Now Start Treating Me Bad

My only substantive critique of the whole Lightworker (see also: Positive Psychology) movement amongst helping professionals and their allies is that it can tend to leave a person prey to the swindlers, the charlatans, and the predators of this world. Why? I’d hazard the cause has something to do with a relentless and occasionally naïve focus on Everything Pleasant And Groovy. And trust me, having spent a great deal of time behind bars, I can assure you that there are decidedly unpleasant folks are out there, and that at some point you’re going to run into one.

This is where the Intrapsychic Sith Lord can be your best friend as you cut a swath through the bullshittery and general idiocy that can befall the Lightworkers of this world. Sometimes, in order to protect what is good and true within you, you gotta be willing kick a little ass.

So how do you deal with mean people when you’re not?

Well, let’s think about this: how did Darth Maul* get to be so fucking awesomely awesome at kicking Jedi ass?

Simple: rehearsal.

Practice saying “no” to people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Practice a few short but polite phrases when you’re confronted with something you find repugnant. Learn to defend your own honor instead of waiting for somone to rush to your aid. Borrow some verbal jiu-jitsu joint locks if you have to, or make some up. You can borrow them from film, from someone you admire, from wherever, but get them. And make them yours.

And now that I’ve got all that out of my system, here’s a little extrapsychic Sith Lord action for youse:

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* Yeah about that. I know I totally could have used a Jedi Knight as a metaphor for appropriate psychological self-defense, but that dude who played ole Darth Maul could fight like a some kind of awesome Bruce Lee banshee and I totally dig that. Plus, I sometimes throw random topics into Jeebes’ bowler hat and force myself to write about the first two I extract just to keep The Force strong within me. Go big or go home, I say.

When Lightworking Isn't Enough

Yeah, I said it.

First off, what the hell is Lightworking? Lightworking is considered a New Age concept and involves engaging meaningfully in positively transforming, expanding, and/or uplifting work where the intent is to better the universal consciousness through service. It entails a lot of clarifying of intention as well thoughts in general, consciously directing one’s energies and actions in a positive manner, and, well, some kind of non-sarcastic faith in something greater than yourself.

[For some really interesting and practical articles, see Steve Pavlina’s stuff online, or check out anything written by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D, or alternately you could sashay your hipster ass to your local bookstore and just kinda bumble around in the New Age section while trying to not let people see you, lest they think you hold out some kind of really uncool, totally non-ironic hope for humanity.

In truth, what we now refer to as Lightworking has been around for aeons. Case in point — neolithic peoples had shamans whose main responsibility was to connect the rest of the tribe to the Unseen Worlds for the higher and greater good of all. Why, even many longstanding organized mainstream religions contain elements of Lightwork. Imagine that. Lightworking can also be viewed simply as trying to act in a manner true to one’s essential nature as a being born of inherent divinity, light and good.

Betcha thought I was going to talk about “fuckery” and “kicking Dr. Phil’s ass” today, dintcha?

Ole Dr. Dingge E. Dingg likes to mix it up. I think I’m going to do a few Drunken Monkey kung-fu moves just to celebrate. That’s better.

Sometimes Lightworkers get into trouble when they encounter beings of, shall we say, less than such singular or positive intention. Such beings include: mean people, unspeakable monsters* and their ilk, overweening narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, and anything with the word “douche” or “asshat” attached. I think that about covers it.

My saintly old Gradual School advisor once told me “Ding, sometimes it’s really important to know how to intimidate people.” This, of course, freaked my lil pie-eyed, idealistic Universal Caretaker self right out and right into some excessively chunky shoes, a sweater vest that I won’t admit to owning but rather borrowing, a carton of mentholated Marboros, and this haircut, but that’s a story for another day.

I’ve met a lot of lightworking folk in the last year who could use a dose of protection from the Dark Side Of The Force’s minions. Luckily I’ve got Evil Manservant Jeebes to fight my battles for me. And if you’ll recall, EMJ is actually mostly all about this. If you’re too lazy to click, here I am quoting my own vainglorious ass in all its vain and assy glory.

Everyone should have an Evil Manservant. Either that, or everyone should personify all undesirable aspects of his/her psyche into a sneering, awkwardly formal yet diabolical valet.

Words to live by, people. Words to live by.

By now I’m sure you’re asking yourself What the hell is Dr. Ding on about? Or maybe Is she smoking the crack cocaines? Maybe she really is a lucite-heeled poledancer down at the biweekly Sons of Hermann Krackenkokainefest after all? Huh.

So stay tuned for our next exciting episode, where all shall be revealed. Next up: Self Improvement DIY: How To Make Your Very Own Intrapsychic Sith Lord For Fun And Profit.

*Cthulhu, mostly. I gotta admit, the rest of them have their moments.

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Momma Needs Her Lil' Smokies

Hey y’all.

Dr. Ding was just setting here watching her stories on the tell-o-vision kerwhatchit, thinking Goddang, where is my links at? My blogroll done look like crap! or something equally insightful.

Seriously. Send me your blog links. The blogroll is woefully out-of-date and wants for reorganizing. Evil Manservant Jeebes is pretty much useless these days, much preferring to polish the furniture with whale oil and cordite than to help with such housekeeping matters, craven Dunhill-smoking blaggard that he is.

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