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Junior_s Cap Sleeve T-Shirt _ Review Your Custom Product

I don’t know if there would be a market for these or not, but I sure had fun designing them. Yes. That’s right. I’m a clothing designer.


A clothing designer.

Just like the Kardashians, only with more f-bombs, which probably makes me more like the Real Housewives of Bumblefuck.



Shadow and Light



Photo credit: Comemeditate.files.wordpress.com

It took me a long time to realize that there are other types of intelligences, other ways of seeing the world and valuing it than mine. Non-dual. Heart-centered. About feelings, love, sparking of joy, the soft animal underbelly of the human soul.

So, to catch up, I once spent part of a week making merry with a wonderful gaggle of psychics, mediums, and healers. We sang, we danced, we shook that thang, often simultaneously. Talk about balancing your energy field!  The joy this kind of energy creates is good for what ails you, and for what don’t.

And yet I felt different, even among my people. My energy felt funny, I felt off, unrelatable and unrelated. They wanted to talk about spiritual things 24-7, and many of them had given up caffein, flour, sugar, and red meat in order to raise their vibration, man. Me, I don’t hear/see Spirit all the time, and it doesn’t communicate with me continuously (thank Jeebus), and definitely doesn’t say anything to do with veganism or wearing certain colors like purple and stuff. Maybe I’m not listening, maybe my intuitive abilities suck, I thought. But some real talk: it’s far too distracting to me to be in that space during my workaday life.

And frankly it annoys the living fuck right out of me.

Working on it. I try very hard to stay open and present to ways of being attuned to Spirit that are radically different than mine, and it’s definitely an area where I have a lot of room to grow.

There has been a shit-ton of New Thought books out in the last 15-20 years or so that ignore the shadow aspect of the self, that exhort the reader to transform the painful parts of their lives or raw parts of themselves into sweetness and light. I’m not going to name names, but even a cursory sweep through a New Age or metaphysical bookstore will reveal these trends. The reader or student is encouraged to only focus on the positive, to the exclusion of the negative in their lives.

This is, to put it in technical terms, utter bullshit.

While I think where we place our thoughts we tend to place our actions, and that this informs our character and eventually influences our destiny, I do not believe that Keeping It 100% Positive 24/7 and Turning It All Over To My Angels To Fix or Getting Rid Of My Ego are viable long-term strategies. It’s a pretty slick way of abandoning the real self, which is chock-full of humanity and imperfections, and getting into something called  spiritual bypassing, which I will discuss in another post soon.

We don’t heal and grow by spiritualizing the psychological. We heal and grow when we do the work, the real work of acknowleging our tender spots, our painful pasts, of staying emotionally present to ourselves, even when it hurts to do so. Especially when it hurts to do so. And sometimes it sucks, and let me tell you, it looks nothing like the zip-zip-zap kinds of quick fixes promised by so many New Thought authors.

I’m a realist, a former prison psychologist who worked in maximum-security penitentaries when I worked inside the walls. Please trust me when I say there are people on this planet who should never see the light of day, period. Even outside prisons and jails, there are malignant narcissists on a less dramatic level, but who can still commit soul murder – but that’s a post for another day. Please trust me when I say there is the potential for real bad mojo within the human psyche right alongside the potential for good juju, folks. In all of us. While I believe we are all called to live in our highest self, not everyone will, and moreover, some will seek to actively poison the lives of others. It ain’t all beer and skittles. Lock your doors. Don’t befriend assholes. Keep your guard up when your spidey-sense starts tingling. Pay attention to your inner life – all of it, not just the sweetness and light.

When we ignore the dark and potentially harmful aspects of other’s personalities, we place ourselves in danger. And so it follows that when the dimmer corners of our own souls remain willfully unexamined or shoved aside, what is dark within can fester, and grow strong. This also places us in danger.

That’s just reality, as viewed by someone who has been brushed by the wings of human evil, who has sat with its victims, trying to Scotch-tape them back together long enough to do the work of therapy.

I have much, much more to say on this topic, but that’s it for now. I’ll end with this paraphrased thought by the great Swiss psychoanalyst and psychonaut, Carl Jung:

She who looks outside, dreams. She who looks within, awakens.



5 Ways You Can Tell You're Stunting Yourself In A Relationship

Kali-Ma don't care. Crazy, nasty-ass Kali-Ma doesn't give a single shit. She just does whatever the fuck she wants.

Kali-Ma don’t care. Kali-Ma doesn’t give a single shit. She just does whatever the fuck she wants. And she’s really awesome at it. We could all learn some important life skills here.

I posted something the other day on Facebook by Derek Rydall that said, in essence, “Love your neighbor, but don’t take their shit.”  Words to live by, and worth expanding upon a bit. Please note – I’m not discussing how to hold yourself at work, at the grocery store, or with acquaintances here, but rather close friendships and romantic relationships.

I spent several years of my life stunting a large part of who I am, for which I take full responsibility, while still acknowledging the existence of our society that tends to devalue women, devalues spiritual practices unless they adhere to rather circumscribed religious norms, and dislikes non-dual consciousness; these larger factors can make it hard out there for a mystical hustla, and I certainly carried them into several relationships in my life along with my own matched set of personal emotional baggage. Leopard-print, natch.

This sort of soul-squishing fuckery, unless unpacked and examined, can put lots of bad mojo on you, so here is some stuff to watch out for.

1. Doubting your own perceptions and judgements

This most often happens when your views threaten the other person in some way, but they’re not in touch with this feeling; instead, they feel entitled to invalidate your feelings, legitimated by the status quo. The invalidation can take many forms, but essentially you know it when you feel it – it feels depleting and crummy as hell. It’s one thing to have a spirited disagreement or exchange of ideas, but it’s quite another to feel that someone is needling or invalidating your views about sacred shit simply because it makes them a little uncomfortable.

2. Needless fear around talking about spiritual topics like meaning, purpose, existence, the afterlife, spirits, etc

This is where you edit, hold back, and clam up on things that are important to you because you’re afraid of what they think. Don’t be. But I do suggest you take a look at why you’re doing this stuff – are you nursing a friendship that has run its course but are reluctant to let it go? Are you clinging to the notion that you and your significant other are perfectly matched, except for this pesky problem of perpetually not feeling safe having certain existential conversations? My contention is that it’s fine to disagree, but that the fear is a signal that something’s off, and that this needs to be addressed.

3. Realizing that the other person has no intention of hearing your views

This is kind of a no-brainer, but Lordt knows it’s really tough when you love the other person and want to be respectful: “I don’t want to talk about it” “I don’t want to hear about your airy-fairy stuff” “I’d just prefer if you kept that to yourself” “I don’t want this stuff in our house” et cetera, ad nauseam, ad infinitum. See also: breaking off eye contact, turning their back to you, walking out of the room, changing the subject, ignoring. Actions speak louder than words, and even if people can’t or won’t tell you who they are, they sure as hell will show you through these kinds of stanky behaviors.

4. Active dismissal, constant correction, mean-spirited questioning or outright derision your views

See also #3 above. For reals. I’ve had friends sneer, after begging for a Tarot card or mediumship reading just seconds before, “But honestly, isn’t that all just a bunch of bullshit?” and “Ohmygahd, you can’t seriously believe in spirits, you have a Ph.D.” thinking what…that I was going to instantly develop tremendous respect for their well-explicated Weltanschauung and drop my own? Where I’m from we call those types of remarks emotional abuse, or maybe just being as nice as a bag of smashed assholes to another person. Bye.

Don’t bother reaching out to people who are like this, taking them on, arguing doctrine, or getting all jazzy. It’s not worth your energy; you aren’t here to cater to immature meanies. You have more important things to do.

5. Understanding that you can no longer continue to grow as a person and remain in the relationship the way it is

This is by far the most painful awakening to experience, particularly in a romantic long-term relationship. It’s awful, and it’s usually a stepwise, gradual dawning versus a sudden burst of enlightenment, although certainly that does happen to people. Please know it doesn’t mean that the other person is automatically bad, wrong, or fucked-up, or that you’re some hapless victim. It just means that if you want suffer, you’ll stay connected at the same level of intensity or intimacy, and if you want to relieve this suffering, you’ll either exit the relationship or change your expectations. Because honey, ain’t nobody gonna change for you. It’s going to be up to you. And this kinda sucks.

To wrap up, here’s the tl;dr part:

Realizing that the price of staying when you’re going to have to hide or minimize your real self in order to “keep the peace” or somehow legitimate yourself in their eyes is the first step. The next is deciding what to do about it. Certainly I have very cool people in my life who are dyed-in-the-wool atheists and agnostics, and I love them dearly – these relationships work because there is respect on both sides. I don’t ask them if they’ve accepted Cthulhu as their personal god and savior, and they don’t trivialize my speerchull biznatch.

So, if you’ve seen yourself here in any of numbers one through five above, and you don’t like what’s going on, it may be time to either cut some bitchez loose or simply place them in the periphery of your social sphere. You don’t need to hate or hold resentments in this process, but it’s certainly healthy to take action when someone has disrespected you, which is basically the point of this whole thing.

Here are some ideas for actions: on social media you can unfriend, unfollow, block or hide posts on social media as you think best. On Facebook in particular you can even ensure that only certain people see certain posts. In general, whether online or in real life, the least dramatic solution is generally the most advisable, except in more extreme circumstances.

Not everyone is in our lives for a lifetime, or even a season; sometimes it’s for a reason. Many shamanic traditions hold that everyone we encounter holds a mirror up to us, one in which we can see our own foibles and flaws, which is very similar to the notion in the analytic psychology tradition which holds that the things we most dislike in ourselves we tend to most easily spot in others. It follows that if you keep attracting people who are disrespectful, doubting and myopic assholes who have a teeny tiny comfort zone, then clearly you believe on a fundamental and probably unconscious level that this is all you deserve. And you deserve so much more, you sacred gorgeous creature you.



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